


The Love You Never Find - Part Three

by mansikka



Series: The Love You Never Find [3]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, POV Alternating, Sexual Content, Talking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-02-26 18:34:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23803699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mansikka/pseuds/mansikka
Summary: They don't want him. And they don't need him. So nobody will miss Buck if he leaves Los Angeles altogether, right?
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: The Love You Never Find [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1661806
Comments: 75
Kudos: 284
Collections: 9-1-1 Tales





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Please see the notes on part 1 of this story! Only thing to add; initially I said this was 12 chapters in total but I messed that up, it's at least 13, might be 14... oops?

**Eddie**

He can't _leave_ him. Eddie throws himself into his aunt's car downstairs from Buck's apartment, choking off the sob threatening to overwhelm. He slams the heel of his hand against the steering wheel thankful only that he misses the horn. He wants to _be_ with Buck, and if he doesn't do something soon, there might be no turning back.

Though what is he supposed to do? Eddie drives back to Tant Effe's in a daze, reliving all he has shared with Buck while desperate to see Christopher after being so long away. He can't bear the thought of Christopher feeling abandoned by him. Though his heart is still in that apartment, desperately clinging on to Buck.

Christopher looks up at him from the couch grinning when Eddie arrives, leaning in when he hugs him.

"You okay, Bud?"

Christopher nods, far too engrossed in the cartoons he is watching. Tant Effe beckons him into the kitchen, giving Eddie a slow glance over that leaves him feeling about fifteen years old.

"Talk to me," she says, making him coffee when she has finished her inspection.

"About what?"

"About why I told your son you were visiting an old friend. Why you didn't come home last night."

Eddie can't tell her, though he can't not say anything either. "Well. I was."

"You don't know anybody in Austin."

He hasn't told her anything. Eddie leans to check Christopher is still busy, then shares what he can about Buck. It is harder to say it out loud than to replay it in his thoughts. He's _lost_ him, and _found_ him, and now is in this weird kind of limbo where his heart is torn in two directions. Eddie wants to crawl into bed to make it all go away, but that isn't going to help any of them.

"Tell me what you want," Effe says, when Eddie is talked out, and his eyes are filled with tears he has no time to shed.

"I don't think I get what I want."

"Why not?"

"I don't think I can."

"So what _do_ you want?" she insists, passing him toast, tomatoes, and oil that he piles up together and eats without tasting a bite.

"Everything."

"Which means what?"

Eddie again checks that Christopher isn't listening. "I want to talk to _him_. To Buck. To see if—to see if maybe we could _work_."

"Why can't you work?"

"Because he's _here_. And I'm _there_. And we have a flight we need to take in a couple of hours."

Tant Effe nods while giving Eddie a look that he knows means she thinks he is an idiot. "It isn't that hard, Eddie."

"How isn't it?"

"Christopher had plans. Not with you. I can still take him. You still have time off. Stay _here_. Take some time to work things out."

It _can't_ be as easy as that. He can't just change plans on Christopher again when he has already messed with his summer. Even if Eddie's thoughts are already whirling to making that happen.

"Eddie," she says, patting him on the back, "you haven't been yourself these past few months. You've been _sad_, Eddie. I don't know if I've seen you so sad. Not even with everything with Shannon. Is it because of him?"

Eddie is all out of fight to deny it. Why would he even want to now? "Yeah. It is. It _is_."

"So? Why don't you take this opportunity for what it is?"

"But what about Christopher?"

"Christopher will be _fine_," she says with a dismissive wave. "He is only interested in playing, and chasing, and whatever other things they all have planned. He'll be with us all. And if things don't work out when you talk to Buck today, you just change your ticket. Buy another. _I'll_ buy you another."

"But you already paid—"

"Eddie. You can't keep living like this. It isn't healthy. It isn't happy. It isn't good for _him,_" she adds with a pointed tilt of her chin towards the living room.

Eddie drops his head into his hands, hearing her move around the table and sighing when she rests her hand on his shoulder. He turns to lean into her embrace, letting himself sag instead of trying to shrug her affection off. He straightens up giving her a grateful pat on the back of her hand, looking towards the lounge himself.

"I need to talk to him."

"You do. And you need to change your clothes," she adds plucking at Eddie's shirt in distaste. Eddie groans as he pushes himself to his feet, sliding the chair beneath the table. Christopher smiles as he walks through to join him, tucking into Eddie's side when he slumps on the couch.

"Hey, Buddy."

Christopher mumbles, _Daddy_, more engrossed in what he is watching. Eddie kisses the top of his head for it, stalling as he thinks about what to say; both to Christopher, and to Buck.

Will Buck answer his message if he tells him he is thinking of staying? Will he answer the door to him if he just shows up? What if Buck doesn't come home at all, and instead spends the evening with the new friends he has made? Eddie knows he needs to chance it. Though what if Buck decides this isn't what he wants? That _he_ isn't?

* * *

**Buck**

This really can't be happening. Buck has checked his phone more times than he cares to count since leaving Judd's uncle's ranch, sure another message will come through telling him to forget about it.

"_I know you're busy right now,_" he rereads from Eddie, "_and I don't expect you to change your plans for me. But we need to talk, Buck. I'm sticking around. Let me know when you're home_."

Eddie is staying in Austin. Eddie is staying to talk to _him_. The details aren't clear, and Buck doesn't know if he should expect that Eddie might want to stay at his place. He is trying not to speed home to see him, having text to say he'd be back as soon as he can.

Buck _had_ thought there was a callout at work, or Maddie needed to talk, or anything else that would justify the way his phone buzzed so often the moment he had bars on his phone. That it was _Eddie_, Buck still is having difficulty getting his head around. He _aches_ to see him, but this is all uncharted territory now. Buck is frightened, and excited, and hasn't a clue what to expect. Eddie leaning in the doorway of the apartment building with a bag over his shoulder when he pulls up puts knots in Buck's stomach that are confusing.

Eddie looks just as terrified as he feels as he spots him, pushing away from the wall giving a flicker of a smile. It helps a little, though also puts additional flutters in Buck's heart. Maybe he just isn't strong enough to do this.

"I'm sorry I didn't get your message sooner," Buck says coming to a stop in front of him, then is quickly on the move again to let them inside.

"I'm sorry this is all so spur of the moment."

"Is Chris okay with this?"

"He's okay with not having his _dad_ breathing down his neck. That's good enough for him, I think."

"Okay." Buck pleads with his heart to stop beating so painfully.

"Are _you_ okay with this?"

The elevator is too small, and too slow for this conversation to be starting here. So Buck only smiles, silently pleading with Eddie to understand. Eddie seems to for the way he only nods, adjusting the bag over his shoulder.

"If it's too much me staying—"

"It isn't. It's not that at _all_."

"Then what _is_ it?" Eddie asks as he follows him along the hallway to his apartment.

Where does Buck even start? The thought of having Eddie here with him, to come home to, to share some time with alone; all of that sounds more incredible than anything he could have hoped for. But then to realize that they will have to talk, and that talking might be difficult, and that there is still hurt between them for the events of the last few months; Buck doesn't know how he will handle it.

"Eddie. We haven't seen each other in _months_. We haven't _spoken_. And in the last few hours—"

"In the last few hours, I started to feel _whole_ again," Eddie finishes for him when they are inside. "I started to feel like maybe there wasn't this thing missing in me, or this cloud over my head, or... I actually _felt_ something. I didn't feel numb. I _have_ been."

Buck wants to say that is how he feels as well. He's too afraid. There hasn't been enough time for him to replay everything that has happened between them, to get these events and his thoughts straight in his head. So he tells him the only thing he can tell Eddie.

"I want you here, Eddie. I don't know what this means, or what we do, or how we're really gonna talk. I _want_ to. I _need_ to; I don't want to lose you again. But I can't see how this will be easy."

"So we try," Eddie says. There is pleading in his eyes, Buck is sure of it. "We try, and... let's just try a day. Or a couple of days since you're working tomorrow. Let's just... let's try, okay?"

Buck realizes Eddie hasn't even swung his bag down from his shoulder; he doesn't even know he already wants him to stay. So he reaches for it, guiding the strap until the bag is on the floor. There is a click in his throat when he tries to swallow, Eddie's eyes following the movement. Buck nods his head sharply, seeing relief begin to soften Eddie's gaze. Buck is _drawn_ to him, stumbling forward until there is no space between them, letting his forehead drop on to Eddie's shoulder in relief.

Eddie runs his hands up the back of Buck's arms, one resting at the nape of his neck as the other splays wide on his lower back. Buck gets his arms around him, letting his eyes fall closed for the way Eddie turns his head until it is pressed against his neck, and breathes him in like this is the first full breath he's taken in days.

Buck shudders as Eddie begins a trail of kisses up his neck, mouthing at his earlobe before nosing against his cheek. Buck turns his head to claim a kiss gasping as he does, sure he understands a little of that _whole _feeling Eddie talked about. He _needs_ him. Buck presses closer still, shivering for the flick of tongue against his mouth.

Eddie kisses Buck like he intends to devour him, hand cradling the back of his head to keep Buck just where he wants him. His hand slips up the back of his shirt pressing Buck tighter to him. Buck savors his kiss though wrenches his mouth away when he knows he won't be able to stop.

"What is it?" Eddie asks, still chasing his mouth.

"Nothing."

"Buck."

"I smell of _horse_, Eddie," Buck says with soft laughter, letting his hands slide down to rest just above Eddie's elbows. "I just came straight from the ranch."

Eddie nods absently, letting his hands come to rest against Buck's stomach. "How was it?"

"Amazing. As always. But I... I really should shower. Before anything else happens here." For the look Eddie is giving him, there are definitely _other things_ that are going to be happening here.

"I could come with?"

"I probably _stink_."

"Don't care."

"Yeah. Well, _I _do," Buck says, laughing when Eddie sticks his nose against his pulse point and inhales.

"Fine. Have it your way. But I _am_ getting in that shower with you again," Eddie says with a wink that plucks at Buck's stomach. "Maybe if you give me a key, or your key, I can go find us some food?"

"I was going to get groceries on the way back."

"Even smelling of horse?" Eddie teases as Buck pulls his keys from his back pocket and drops them into his hand; including his car keys. Buck has no idea if there is anything in walking distance from here. He's always shopped on the way home from work, so hasn't really taken the time to get to know the area around his apartment.

"I don't care if I smell for whoever's in the grocery store," Buck says, earning himself a smile and another quick kiss.

"Okay," Eddie says, hugging him. "I'll be back soon. Anything you feel like? Need?"

"Milk? I don't know what else." Buck can't think straight, can't remember a single thing in his kitchen cupboards. Or much of anything else, really.

"I'll look."

"Okay."

"Okay." Eddie grins at him, his look for Buck a louder _thank you_ than anything he could say. Buck nods, gesturing that he move and heading for his bedroom for a change of clothes for after his shower. He hears Eddie moving around the apartment before leaving, not entirely convinced he hasn't imagined this whole thing. Though when his front door closes and seconds later his phone buzzes with the simple message of _thank you_, Buck is sure for the first time, the apartment feels like _home_.

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

**Eddie**

_Please don't mess this up_.

Eddie pleads with himself repeatedly while filling a cart in a grocery store, and then on the drive back to Buck's. That Buck even let him in means something, surely? And that he shared at least some of his fears, well, that has to be a positive step, doesn't it? It seems like an age since either of them really talked.

They need to talk, Eddie knows they do, it's just that he also knows he has a habit of getting all his words wrong when they are most needing to make sense. He'd thought with Buck he'd found someone he could speak to freely about anything, though clearly he's been wrong about that as well. What if his inability to tell Buck how he feels in the past came across as indifference, and contributed to Buck thinking he didn't care? There is so much they need to go through, so many careful conversations they'll need to have. Eddie doesn't even know where they might start.

Though as Buck offers him a shy smile as he joins Eddie in the kitchen while he unpacks groceries, Eddie forgets he has anything to say. What possible words would he need to arrange in his mouth when he can instead just look at Buck, who is wearing a tight white t-shirt and grey lounge pants that have no business looking as good as they do? Why can't he just stand there gawping, and drink him in?

"Did you find somewhere?" Buck asks breaking Eddie from his staring, hovering like he doesn't know what his job is here.

Eddie forces himself to look away, getting back to the task at hand. Groceries. He was unpacking groceries. "I did. Couple of blocks down. I thought, maybe pizza for something to eat? Something quick."

"Perfect."

"I got milk. Bread. Those cereal bars you like with the chocolate chips and raisins," Eddie adds, waving the box before putting them in a cupboard that looks like a place similar snacks might go.

"Thanks."

"And not to be too presumptuous, this," Eddie adds, keeping his eyes averted as he slaps a tube of lube down on the kitchen counter, sure the sound carries further than necessary for the way his heart quickens. Though then he has to look, watching Buck toy with the tube without picking it up.

"Oh. Good. Yeah; I didn't have anything like that here."

"Not that we need to do anything. I just thought—"

"It's a good idea. Really," Buck says, catching Eddie's eye and making his stomach flutter for the quick smile he gives him. All sense of resolve, control, and patience vanish for Eddie, narrowing his focus to a single thought. There will be no talking between them. Not if Eddie can't get his need for Buck under control. Now he's had a taste, he doesn't know how to stop reaching for him, already backing Buck against the counter and claiming his mouth.

"I _need_ you," he growls against Buck's lips because it hurts to not already feel his skin against his. 

Buck looks at him with equal need, pulling Eddie's phone and wallet from his back jean pockets to shove his hands in instead, grabbing his ass as he pulls him closer. Eddie writhes against him and even that not feeling close enough. He wants him, here, in the kitchen, yet also thinks after the last two times maybe they should wait a little. Which is hell. He snatches the lube from the counter and grabs Buck's hand, all but dragging him to his bedroom.

Eddie yanks Buck's shirt over his head in between ferocious kisses, his hands already down the front of his pants. Buck is no better, shoving at Eddie's Henley and cursing when he can't get it off quick enough. Buck shoves down his own boxers and pants cursing against Eddie's mouth as he takes him in hand. Buck tugs and pulls at Eddie's jeans and boxers until he is exposed as well, cursing yet again as he gets his fingers around him.

"What were you saying about _me_ cursing this morning?" Eddie tries to tease, though then decides if he doesn't get a taste of Buck right this minute the entire world might end. He drops to his knees, directing Buck to sit on the edge of the bed while yanking the rest of his clothes from him, lapping up the length of his cock before taking Buck in his mouth.

Buck's answering groan is obscene. He falls back against the bed as he parts his legs to give him better room, running his fingers over Eddie's head as he sucks. Eddie's jeans dig into his leg where he is still half-dressed, though he only massages over the offending ache for there being no way he can interrupt this. Buck calls out encouragement, propping himself up on his elbows so he can watch. Eddie tries to keep his eyes on him as he drags his lips along his length, jolting for the noise he makes when he takes more of him into his mouth and swallows around him.

"I need you up here," Buck gasps out, grabbing Eddie's arms as he tries to get him to stand. Eddie shoves down his jeans and boxers kicking them away from him, crawling between Buck's legs as he rearranges himself along the length of the bed. Eddie ruts against him, already overwhelmed with need for the feel of Buck's cock hard against his own. Though he needs _more_. He drops his hand down parting Buck's cheeks to press a fingertip against his hole, raising an eyebrow in question.

"_Yes_..."

Later, they will savor this, take their time to explore all the things they like from one another to draw out the very best of noises. But right now, all Eddie can think about is being inside Buck, quickly slicking his fingers up and slipping them into him. Buck writhes down on them in just as much hurry as he is, urging Eddie to be quicker, and then yanking his wrist away only to grab at his hips and pull him between his legs. Eddie sinks into him with a cursed out groan, the tight, hot squeeze around him as Buck adjusts to him the most perfect thing Eddie thinks he has felt in a while.

Gentleness will have to come later as well. Eddie's need for Buck has not lessened for being in him, calling him to snap his hips to fill him, and to press his face into his neck, mouthing at it as he fucks him. Buck chases every thrust of his hips grinding up to meet him, one leg thrown around his waist as a hand braces against the headboard. The entire bed groans for the weight of them and how gentle they _aren't_ being. If he is leaving any kind of marks against Buck's neck, then Eddie is pretty sure Buck has scratched up his back in his need to be closer to him. Not that Eddie can think to care too much about any of that now. All he can think about is the whine from Buck's throat as he wedges a hand between them to get himself off, and how he _needs_ to keep pounding into him, groaning out in relief when he finally comes.

Buck follows in seconds giving the most blissful arch that as he does, Eddie curses throughout for how good he looks. He tucks his face into Buck's neck as Buck's leg slips down from around his waist, the two of them groan in exhaustion.

"We're doing _great_ at talking," Buck blasts out against his ear, making Eddie burst out laughing and nuzzle at his throat.

"Uh. Yeah. Yeah; I guess we are. Or we'll get to that later."

"I don't think I can even _move_."

"Complaining?"

"Not at _all_," Buck tells him, stroking his hands over Eddie's back as he nudges him with his shoulder so Eddie looks up. He tilts his chin for a kiss, slinging one arm across his shoulder blades, and sighing against his mouth.

* * *

**Buck**

Owen keeps looking at Buck's neck. He rolls it as though that will do anything to hide the slight crescent-shaped bruise he'd only spotted in the mirror when he got to the firehouse. When Owen's lips only flutter like he's trying not to laugh, Buck moves half-shrugging into his neck to hide it. Not that he regrets anything about how the marks got there, of course.

They still haven't talked. Not really, anyway. He and Eddie had dozed a little last night then shared a shower, eaten their pizza, then went back to bed. This morning Buck had woken to Eddie writhing back against him. What else was he supposed to do but roll him on to his front and fill him? Who knew his bed was as squeaky as it is, or that Eddie would be quite as loud as he is when being fucked? Buck imagines Eddie is now sleeping it off, smiling for the memory of an exhausted, sated Eddie, fast asleep just seconds after he'd kissed him goodbye? Buck is doing his best to keep his smile from his face for replaying everything from the last few hours. He is failing, hard.

They will talk. They have to. After everything that has happened, if they don't and everything goes wrong, they will have no one to blame but themselves. Though right now Buck is fighting to keep his focus on _working_. Especially as Captain Strand has come into the firehouse this morning to say hello.

He's looking great. Buck knows Owen only a little through a couple of dinners and nights out, though knows enough to think him a good man. Buck can see the way TK keeps his eyes on him, flitting and nervous though also filled with pride. TK has talked a little about how he worried about his dad, and has given Buck a sympathetic ear whenever he's wanted to talk. He hasn't told TK anything about Eddie yet for Owen being in the firehouse when he arrived. TK keeps looking at him as though to say _you need to tell me everything now_.

"How do you like it here?" Owen asks Buck a little later, taking the time to check up on him, which he appreciates.

"Good. It's a great crew. Great firehouse. Amazing team."

"Yes, it is," Owen agrees, gesturing for Buck to walk with him.

"I appreciate you letting me be here," Buck adds feeling the need to tell him. Nothing is resolved for him with Eddie yet, though this whole experience has turned Buck's life around. He won't ever stop being grateful for that.

"I appreciate you filling in," Owen replies, surprising Buck when he waves towards the bathroom. Buck watches him peer around a couple of shelves, coming back to him with two small tubes. "This," he says waggling the first, "is peppermint gel. Use it no more than twice a day over the affected area. It'll be gone in no time."

Can the ground open up and swallow him, now, _please_?

"And this," Owen adds, completely unfazed to how Buck feels like dying with embarrassment, "this is concealer. You only need a little. Let the gel dry first. Got it?"

"Got it," Buck says, taking the tubes pressed into his hand.

"Skincare is important," Owen tells him with the most serious expression on his face. Owen looks him over and pats Buck on the shoulder, then leaves him there in the bathroom. Buck has barely any time to apply his _products_ before TK and Paul come running in, grinning at him.

"You didn't text. You didn't say _anything_," TK says in reproach as he slaps him in the stomach.

"_Details_, man," Paul adds, bouncing on the balls of his feet like what Buck has to tell him is the most important thing he needs to hear.

"Peppermint gel?" TK says then, poking at the tube Buck is still gripping on to and smiling knowingly before waggling his eyebrows as he looks at Buck's neck.

"Uh. Yeah. Your dad—"

"Yeah. My dad," TK agrees without adding anything, still looking at him expectantly.

What is Buck supposed to say? "He's uh... he's staying a while. Eddie. For a couple of days. Something; I don't know, yet."

"_Details_," Paul insists, groaning when the alarm goes for a call.

It is a long day with calls back to back and his team asking Buck question after question about Eddie. Buck is sure he must have enjoyed being the center of attention at some point in his life, but now he mostly feels embarrassed, and that his mind is elsewhere anyway.

Eddie messages him throughout the day, taking a walk around a park near the apartment and sending a picture of himself sprawled out on the couch reading a book. He updates him on Christopher, sending pictures of him as well. Buck's heart skips for the simplicity of it all, knowing things won't always be so easy. Maybe this time with him working and Eddie at _his_ will be good for them, give them each a little time to think.

It is a good feeling, when Buck takes a break which will hopefully involve a little sleeping, when he sees a message from Eddie asking if he can call.

"Hi," he says, calling him first, sure Eddie must hear him smiling.

"Hi, Buck. How's it going?"

"Pretty good," Buck says, smiling into the phone. "You? What are you doing?"

"Well. I'm in your bed. Thinking about sleeping. Didn't want to, without saying goodnight. Wanted to check you were okay."

"I'm good. Really."

"This is weird, right? Me being at yours while you're at work?"

Buck is sure he can hear him adjust the comforter, picturing Eddie tucked up in his bed. It is the best image. He almost asks for a picture, but doesn't.

"Not weird. I'll be happy to be home, though."

"Yeah. Me too."

"I'm glad you're here, Eddie. Really."

Eddie sighs, and now it is Buck's turn to think he can hear Eddie smile. "Yeah. Me, too. Do you want me to have something ready to eat when you get back?"

"You don't have to."

"Buck. Please."

Buck closes his eyes, grinning harder to himself. "Then yeah. That would be good."

"Get some sleep. I'll see you soon."

Buck nods, rubbing the back of his neck as he walks through to where everyone else is already asleep. "Yeah. See you soon," he whispers back, silencing his phone before he crawls into bed.

* * *

**Eddie**

The intercom sounds announcing Buck's arrival. Eddie's stomach swoops for it in both excitement and a little fear. He wipes his hands, clearing his throat and plucking at his shirt telling himself not to be so nervous. This is _Buck_.

Buck wears the same expression Eddie thinks must be on his face, happy to see him while hesitant at the same time. Buck drops his bag on a chair coming straight through to the kitchen, smiling at the dinner table already set out.

"Something smells great."

"I made tortilla," Eddie says, sliding a second one on to a waiting plate to walk through with. "Something quick. I thought maybe you'd be tired."

"I am. Not too much, though."

"How was the rest of the shift?" Eddie asks, sliding the plates into place then stuck for not knowing what to do with his hands. He spins back around to grab the cafetière he's just filled, bringing that to the table as well then standing awkwardly beside it.

"Pretty good. One last call, some cleaning. Nothing too much."

"Well. That's great," Eddie says, wringing his hands together before cursing at himself. He steps closer to him, kissing Buck in belated greeting like he'd wanted to do the moment he walked through the door. "Hi."

Buck sighs, dropping his forehead to his shoulder as he grips Eddie's waist. "Hi."

"We need to get better at this."

"It's been five minutes. But yes," Buck agrees, squeezing his waist before straightening up, "we do."

"After food, and rest, and... whatever else."

Talking about anything but _them_ turns out to be easy. He and Buck have never been short on those kinds of words. They talk about Buck's shift, and what Eddie did to occupy himself, the fun Christopher is apparently having, and how Tant Effe has now asked about Buck three times. Buck shows him peppermint gel and concealer that he'd forgotten to return to the firehouse bathroom, groaning in mortification for his talk with Owen.

"Not that I'm complaining about any of this," Buck adds gesturing at his neck, where Eddie's teeth marks are now almost gone.

"You marked up my back pretty good," Eddie says having inspected it in the bathroom mirror for a while. Admired, really. He has no complaints. Even now he can't stop himself from smirking.

"You want me to apologize? Or kiss better?" Buck asks, looking pretty smug himself.

"I'm good with the second of those things."

"Well. Maybe if you feel like joining me in the shower," Buck says as he stands, beginning to clear the table.

"Not worried about how you smell this time, Buck?" Eddie teases, taking the plates from his hands. He has every intention of cleaning up since Buck just finished work. He likes that feeling, like they are a team.

"Well. You know what after a shift smells like."

"And not horse?" Eddie says as he lowers the plates into the sink ready to wash. Buck comes to stand behind him resting one hand on his hip, as the other lifts up the back of his shirt. He trails soft kisses over the few marks left over his shoulder blades by _his_ fingers, kissing an apology into the back of his neck before wrapping his arms around Eddie's waist from behind to hug him.

"Not horse," he says belatedly, making Eddie smile.

"Well. Tell you what," he says, covering Buck's hand with his own. "You go start your shower. I'll put these into soak, clean up a little. Join you in a few?"

"Perfect," Buck agrees, squeezing him before sighing as he lets his hands fall away. Eddie watches him stretch and yawn his way to the bathroom, sure it won't be all that long before Buck needs to sleep. Which doesn't stop them getting each other off in the shower, almost slipping in the process and then lost to laughing, and kisses. This is all so easy, and it's all so much; Eddie doesn't understand how lucky he got to be here, to see Buck here in Austin at the exact moment he needed to. But he will do everything he can to make sure he never lets go of Buck again.

* * *


	3. Chapter 3

**Buck**

Buck wakes to Eddie's arms around him, sure he could get very used to this. He presses back against his warmth slotting his fingers through Eddie's against his stomach, happy to be held until Eddie wakes up. This feels so peaceful, and for every moment Buck has wished the two of them could have something like this, it is only now that he has it that Buck realizes how _much_ he wants.

This could be his every morning. He and Eddie could wake to the sound of Christopher wrecking the house attempting to surprise them with pancakes, or whatever other whimsical domestic bliss his brain can dream up. They could have _everything_. Though he still has a little over two months here, and then his future is uncertain. Even if things work out perfectly between them, a commute between Austin and Los Angeles to see each other is going to be difficult. Not impossible. Though between taking care of Christopher and working out time in between their shifts, Buck has no idea how things will work out. If that is even something they consider doing, that is.

Eddie stirs behind him, pressing an absent kiss to the back of Buck's neck. "Been awake long?"

"Not really."

"Feel better for sleeping?"

"I think so." Buck squeezes Eddie's fingers so he knows to let go, rolling over so he can face him. "You?"

"I'm good."

"Yeah?"

Eddie smiles, splaying his hand at Buck's hip and leaning over to kiss him. "Definitely."

Buck tugs him closer, thinking he could happily lie in bed and kiss Eddie all day.

"But we should probably talk. Before we get distracted again."

Or _not_, Buck thinks, sulking a little, even if they do have a lot of things they need to say. "Of course. Yeah. Obviously."

Eddie smiles another kiss to his mouth, nuzzling against his cheek before he adjusts to prop his head up on his pillow. Buck moves to mirror him, walking his fingers up Eddie's chest before letting his hand fall to the sheets between them. "So. I don't even really know where to start."

Buck nods, not having a clue either. Silence becomes a wedge between them when they don't say anything, and Buck can't bear the thought of things getting worse between them again. "I suppose I could start, by asking what I'd need to do, to make you forgive me." Which isn't what he means to say at all. Buck can _still_ feel the sting of rejection. Though now he'll have to deal with those being his first words out.

"Forgive you?"

"For leaving like I did."

Eddie nods slowly, steeping his fingers against the sheet. Not touching him, Buck thinks, trying not to dwell on it. "Well. I won't pretend I'm not mad as hell about you leaving. Or that I can't think of about a hundred other ways things could have gone different. But then, I don't think I was thinking all that clear either. I don't think any of us realized the impact on you of what we did, or how much we hurt you by just... not _thinking_. So, you're more than forgiven, Buck. Maybe you could work your way up to forgiving all of us in time as well. But we've been over this," he adds, tilting his chin at Buck. "That's a process. Something that isn't just about you, and me. I think maybe you have some bridges to build with everyone at the 118. Not on your own, and sure as hell not all on you; I think we all need to meet you at least halfway. I think... all of us can work on that."

"I hope so," Buck says, not convinced it will be that easy. He can picture the disappointment on Hen, Chim, and Bobby's face just for talking about them. Even _Athena_.

"I still don't know why you thought it'd be better to ignore _all_ my messages," Eddie adds with an exasperated huff at the back of his throat that Buck wants to kiss from him. Which, with these new developments between them, he can do. He can feel Eddie smile as he does, and knows relief for feeling his fingers through his hair. Eddie snuggles closer letting his hand rest on his waist. "I'm pretty sure that's cheating," Eddie says, nuzzling against his jaw before kissing him.

"What is?"

"Distracting me when we're meant to be talking?"

"Sorry."

"You think you and me would've figured this all out eventually if you had stuck around?" Eddie asks then, tilting his head in question.

Buck doesn't know how to answer him. "I don't know. Maybe we'd have just stayed the same as we were, and things would've just... changed into this? Eventually?" Buck doesn't like to think it would take a dramatic even like him leaving for them to figure things out, but clearly, it has.

"Maybe."

"Do you think Christopher would mind?" Buck asks then, missing him so much but now fearful that Christopher might see him as a threat. He's had so much upheaval; how would he feel about Buck stealing his dad away half the time? Or some of the time? honestly, some of Buck's favorite moments since he first met Eddie have been with both Eddie _and_ Christopher.

Eddie shakes his head. "What?"

"You? And me?"

"Buck..." Eddie closes his eyes, then pressing his face into his pillow. "Christopher _loves_ you. Hardest thing about all this aside from missing you so bad, was trying to explain all this to him. When I didn't even know what was happening."

Will there ever be a time when he doesn't feel guilty for leaving everyone behind? Buck doesn't think so, at least, no time soon. "I am sorry."

Eddie cups his face, kissing him then ducking to keep eye contact until Buck nods. "Don't be. I get it. I'm sorry too. You don't need to take the blame for all of this. We _all_ did this."

"But I _am_ sorry, Eddie."

"And I'm sorry too," Eddie repeats as he toys with his hair. "But we need to think about now, and after. Not before all this."

"Okay. Yeah, that's probably for the best."

"Like. What do we _do _now?" Eddie says, frowning. "You're here. We're there. We don't know what you're doing next. It's not like we can really take the time to figure this all out; not yet, anyway."

Despair threatens to overwhelm Buck for the thought of having Eddie back in his life only to lose him again. He focuses on the warmth of Eddie beside him, swallowing thickly before he can talk. "I know."

"And," Eddie adds, his face taking on a pained expression, "I can't tell Christopher about this. Not yet. He lost you once, and I don't want you back in his life if you're gonna be gone again. It's not fair on him."

"Not fair on _you_, either," Buck says, hit with more guilt, and sadness that he won't get to see Christopher any time soon. Though he can deal with that, if he knows it's the right thing for Christopher. He's been missing him this long, so if it takes a little while longer to make things better for them all then he can.

"What about you? Is it fair on you?"

"Me?"

Eddie's smile for him is understanding, and sorrowful. "Buck. I _get_ why you left. I do. And we're probably gonna hash this whole thing out some more while I'm here. _And_ after. But I see how things are here for you. I can see how much happier you are, and it's only been a couple of months. I don't want to be selfish and demand you come back home if you don't want to."

"This job's only temporary," Buck insists, ignoring the flutters in his stomach that make him think of home. Of maybe building a home, with Eddie, and Christopher. It is far too soon to be thinking of anything like that.

"Sure. But what if it isn't? What if your six months is up and they decide to keep you on? Then what?"

"I only committed to six months."

"But you could change your mind."

"If I had something to come _home_ to, it wouldn't matter what they offered me. Really."

"You say that—"

"Because I _mean_ that," Buck says before Eddie can interrupt him. "All I ever wanted in all of this, was my family. You, and Christopher, you _are_ my family."

"And you're _ours_," Eddie tells him, surging forward for a kiss. "You are."

"So. It's that's true—"

"And to the crew. Our crew. You're family to them as well. I just—I don't know, what three months from now looks like. For you, or for them."

"What if, worst-case scenario, I came back after my six months here, and I joined another crew. What then?" It isn't exactly what Buck wants, though there are far worse alternatives. Especially if he gets to keep Eddie and Christopher in his life. Though how hard would it be to be back in L.A. and not part of the 118? Buck has no idea.

Eddie still seems to have other things on his mind, for the way he hesitates before answering. "I guess we don't know anything for sure, about work; at least not yet. But what about us, before then? Before your six months are done? What are _we_ doing?"

"Are you freaking out on me?" Buck asks, his heart pounding in alarm.

"What? No. No, I'm not," Eddie says, shaking his head and kissing him in reassurance. "I'm not. I'm just... figuring out how we go from here."

"Eddie. I just don't know, how we plan something so far in advance. Even if I want to. Because what if you stay here for however long I get you, and you decide it's not worth it? _I'm_ not worth it?" Buck can picture it already. All these beautiful plans where they have a future together shredded and tattered when time alone with him makes Eddie realize what he _doesn't_ want. _Him_.

Eddie looks at him confused, before his expression morphs to one of understanding. He cradles the back of Buck's head, letting his forehead rest against his. "Then we take this, one day at a time, and before I leave here, we think about what comes next. Okay, Buck? We don't need to plan everything out right now. I just... we needed to start talking."

"We did," Buck agrees, even if he is now don=e with talking and doesn't want to have to do it again; at least for a few more hours, anyway.

"I don't want to lose you, Evan," Eddie whispers then looking wounded, and lost.

Buck rolls until he can slot between Eddie's legs, pinning his hands against the pillow as he shakes his head. "You won't. Not if you want me here."

"I want you everywhere."

Buck feels the same. And since it is his day off he has the time to show him how much.

* * *

**Eddie**

"...you were _broken_ when you left here, Buck. _He_ did that."

Eddie winces for the fury in Maddie's voice sinking further into the couch as he tries not to listen, trying to distract himself with the latest pictures of Christopher in El Paso. Though no amount of scrolling through his messages can lift the feeling of hostility in the air in Buck's apartment. Maddie is _livid_; partly with Buck for letting Eddie stay with him, though mostly with Eddie—for existing, from the sound of it, amongst other things. Eddie knows he deserves at least some of her anger.

"It wasn't just him," Buck tries to protest, the mortification in his voice almost as painful to Eddie as hearing Maddie's complaints. Buck doesn't need to defend him, Maddie has every right to be furious that anyone has hurt her brother. Which doesn't make any of this easier to hear, but Eddie does understand. Even if he now thinks he should have listened to Buck's hinting earlier for him to go out.

"That _team_," Maddie hisses, loud and clear and with no signs of letting up in how angry she is. "They talk all the time about how you are all family, and yet they pushed you out. How is any of that okay just because _Eddie's_ decided it is?"

"Maddie, c'mon; this isn't all on—"

"The last time I saw you that upset was when we were kids. When Mom and Dad—how can he just show up out of nowhere and decide he's staying with you, and everything's okay now like nothing ever happened?"

Part of Eddie wants to speak to Maddie directly; not to defend himself, but so her anger is directed where she means it to be. Though what good will that do? The few times he has tried to contact her, Maddie has either ignored him, or rejected his calls.

"Just give me a minute, okay?" Buck says then, standing from where he has been sat at the dining table, deliberately covering the camera as he lifts the laptop up. He sends Eddie an apologetic look as he goes to his bedroom softly closing the door behind him, though not before Eddie hears Maddie's fresh cursing aimed at him.

Buck's look for him is sheepish when his call is over, his hands flitting nervously together as he approaches. His shirt is off now, which feels more significant to Eddie than it should. Did he only throw a shirt on to speak to Maddie out of politeness? To cover the couple of bruises he's sucked into his skin? To put a front on what they are doing as _normal_? Him and Buck, in this bubble away from anything but each other, are doing just fine. The issue of Buck's leaving and what led to it is still there, though for being together, they aren't really talking about it. Not directly, anyway, because even when they try, their need to be together takes over just about anything else. Are they doing this wrong? Should they keep their hands off one another until they find all the words they need to say? Though what else is there left to say about what happened before all this? What if, after everything, they are still messing things up?

"Eddie. I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry?" Eddie asks as Buck comes to stand in front of him, sitting forward so he can rest his chin on Buck's stomach and look up.

"You didn't need to hear any of that," Buck replies, running his fingers through Eddie's hair and gently tugging at the strands.

"She's mad. And she's looking out. And she isn't wrong," Eddie adds, pressing kisses over his stomach, even hooking his fingers into the waistband of his lounge pants to expose even more skin. And then more, and then more again; Eddie is _helpless_ when it comes to getting his hands on Buck.

"I don't want her to be mad at you. I don't want her to be mad at anybody."

"She's your sister," Eddie says, pressing a kiss to his exposed thigh as Buck braces his hands on his shoulders to kick his lounge pants away at the ankle. "It would be weird if she wasn't mad. Hey; if this situation was reversed, _my_ sisters would be on your doorstep giving you hell. I lucked out, really."

Buck's sigh still holds an air of _sorry_ to it. There isn't anything more Eddie can really say. He keeps his eyes on Buck as he runs his thumbs over his length, pleased to see a flicker of a smile when he presses a kiss to his tip. And he loves the look of bliss on his face when he wraps his hand around him, slowly stroking him hard. "Do you even remember what clothes are?" Buck teases when he straddles his lap after flicking away the throw he'd been covering himself with.

"Hey. I put on jeans _and_ a t-shirt to go to the grocery store yesterday."

"I wasn't here to see it. I'm not sure it really happened," Buck says, angling himself so he can slide his cock up the length of Eddie's. Eddie _loves_ the view of them together like this, unable to resist splaying his hands wide in appreciation on his thighs and just watching. Though all he can really think about now is having Buck in him again; it's been at least a few hours. And they had been on their way back to exactly that when Maddie called; Eddie grinds down against the couch now aching for him. Buck gives him a knowing wink for his thoughts, kneeling back off the couch and gesturing for Eddie to turn.

Eddie doesn't even care how eager he looks as he drops over on to his knees and grips the back of the couch, arching his ass back. He rocks down on Buck's fingers as he slides them in, still slick from his earlier attention, his cock jolting when Buck then thumbs and holds him open in tease. He lets out a soft groan for the feel of Buck filling him whole, splaying his hands better for support and angling back for more. Eddie forgets about anything else he should be thinking about, aside from impaling himself on Buck.

* * *

**Buck**

Eddie looks up from the couch as Buck approaches, his smile flickering in confusion as Buck passes him a shirt.

"Are we... expecting company?" Eddie asks as Buck sits, leaning in to kiss him. "Other than, who is it coming later for video games? Paul?"

"Yeah. He'll be here in a couple of hours," Buck says, watching Eddie put on his shirt. They haven't been fully dressed all day, and as much as Buck enjoys the view that has been his exclusively for all that time, there are other people who wouldn't enjoy it as much. More fool _them_, really.

"So, is this your not-subtle way of telling me you've had enough of me for now?" Eddie asks in tease, smacking a kiss to Buck's temple. Buck loves how easy his affection for him is, already worrying that the moment they are in someone else's company it will change completely.

"I really don't think that's possible," Buck tells him, turning to cup his face for another kiss that they lose themselves to a little, only disturbed by the vibrating of his phone in his hand. He drops his head with a grimace, pleading with himself not to have got this wrong. If he has misjudged this situation with Eddie and he _isn't_ ready for the world to know about them, then that could lead to all kinds of problems. Buck makes his smile brave, settling into Eddie's side as he throws an arm around his shoulders.

"Okay, Buck," Eddie says, smiling as he nuzzles against his cheek. "What's going on?"

"Nothing?"

"So, what's with that face?"

"What face?"

"_This_ one," Eddie replies. Buck closes his eyes shrinking back into the crook of Eddie's arm as he laughs for the kisses peppered over his face.

"Well. It is the only one I have, so—"

"_Buck_."

Buck holds his breath, arguing with himself for being so nervous. "Do you think maybe... is it okay if I take a picture?"

"Of?"

"Us?"

Eddie's smile is confused, even as he nods at him. "Sure?"

"Maybe I told Hen you were here," Buck adds, forcing the words out. They message most days now, even more so than when they worked together, though it has taken Buck time to reveal that he has company. That Hen didn't know Eddie was here already has posed questions for Buck about the 118, or more specifically, about Eddie not wanting them to know about them.

"Yeah; I think most of our crew is too pissed at me to talk to me right now," Eddie says, nudging his head against Buck's.

"Pissed at you? Why?"

Eddie wrinkles up his face, squeezing his arm around Buck's shoulders. "I haven't, exactly, been the easiest guy to be around since you left, Buck. I don't—I think maybe most of them are all out of patience for my _mood_. I haven't messaged any of them since I left, actually. Shows how mad they are at me. I haven't received a single text."

Buck moves with Eddie as he reaches for his phone, watching him wave it showing a blank screen to demonstrate no messages. "So. Would you prefer they didn't know you were here?"

Eddie's mouth opens and closes in confusion as his eyebrow hitches; it seems such an exaggerated gesture that Buck can't help laughing. Even if he is still a little fearful of his reaction. "Why wouldn't I want them to know I'm here?"

"Because you're with _me_?"

"You think I wouldn't want them to know that?"

Buck can't answer. The _yes_ on his tongue won't force its way out. He pleads with Eddie to understand him without having to say it. Buck knows the moment he does for the way his face falls.

"Buck..."

Eddie's kiss for him is so gentle, and so full of apology that Buck is helpless but to lean into it and forget everything else. Or he would, if Hen wasn't buzzing him yet again. Hen has never had much patience for things she is desperate to hear about.

"That her?" Eddie asks, nodding at Buck's phone in his hand as he pulls back, though then cuddles closer to him on the couch.

Buck thumbs the screen seeing now six messages from Hen getting increasingly agitated. "Yeah."

"What did you say to her?" Eddie asks, laughing; Buck lets him read through the messages from this thread, carefully stopping from scrolling back too far. There are conversations they have had about Eddie before now that Buck is not ready for Eddie to know about. He smiles for the kiss to his cheek, and ducks when Eddie pretends to ruffle up his hair. "Give me that thing."

Buck lets Eddie pull the phone from his fingers, clearing his throat for not knowing what to expect. "You, uh... know where the camera is?"

Eddie makes a disgruntled noise that he kisses into his temple before turning back. Buck smiles at the phone hoping his smile doesn't look too ridiculous, only realizing at the last minute that Eddie is video-calling her. "Hey, Hen," Eddie says cheerily when she answers with her eyes wide in surprise and an out-of-her depth kind of smile on her face. "Look who I found?"

Eddie even squeezes his arm around him, and to Buck's astonishment, nuzzles against his cheek.

Hen gives Buck a look that says, _I am talking to you later_, then clears her throat. "Oh, hi, Eddie."

* * *


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!
> 
> So, because my other multichapter has now finished posting, I plan on posting this one twice a week. For now, that should mean a chapter on Sundays and Thursdays. Happy reading!

**Eddie**

There is no way in this world Eddie will ever get enough of feeling like this. Buck's kisses hot over his throat when he isn't claiming his mouth, teasing him with the most blissful slide into him, the hard heat of his body against his own; how could he get enough? And the _noises_ he is making; there have been times since he arrived here that Eddie's been convinced he could come just for the sounds Buck makes. Buck just letting himself be, and feel, and react; how could there be anything hotter than that?

In the week he has been here, every surface of the apartment has been put to good use, their need for one another bringing them together in a violent clash when they've been desperate to be close. Eddie joked a couple of days ago that he has more bruises on his body now than any time when he was serving, which lead to a long, hot bath, mumbled apologies against his mouth, and Buck kissing every one of those bruises afterward. Eddie wasn't complaining, though also wasn't objecting to his gentle attention; even if Buck has just as many bruises from their need for one another as Eddie does.

Though this past couple of days has seen more tenderness between them. Not that things haven't been tender between them at all; it's just that now, finally, they are learning to take their time. Buck smiles at him then like he knows what he is thinking, giving a deliberately slow stir of his hips that he knows Eddie likes.

"Doing okay?"

"Yeah, Buck."

Buck lifts up enough so they have room to look down between them, the sight of Buck sliding into him one Eddie has savored, over and over again. As he has for everything they have done together already. Every thought he's had about Buck in the past that ended with him having to take himself in hand, couldn't have done justice to how being with him actually feels.

"You maybe want to ride me a little? My leg's cramping," Buck says as he wrinkles up his face in apology, bracing himself on both hands.

"Up." Eddie grabs him by the waist so Buck is supported as he withdraws from him to stand, holding on to the tips of Buck's fingers as he shakes his leg out. "Okay?"

"I'm good," Buck replies, dropping to the couch beside him, then helping Eddie climb into his lap.

They both groan when Eddie sinks down on Buck's cock, Eddie adjusting to being filled again with a slow stir of his hips.

"Good?" Buck asks, his hands splayed wide over Eddie's thighs.

Eddie hums in answer, letting his hands slide down Buck's neck before coming to rest on his shoulders. He _loves_ when they are together like this, for the way Buck can't keep his eyes off him as he rides him; or his hands. Eddie curses repeatedly for the dual pleasure of being filled and the perfect grip of Buck's hand on him. He'd love to kiss him through it but Eddie's focus is taken by how incredible he feels. And the feel of Buck coming in him just moments later as he groans out his name, well. There is nothing else like this.

Buck lets his head fall back against the couch as he recovers, still keeping Eddie in a loose grip. Though he soon looks up again, cradling the back of Eddie's head so he knows to tilt it both to kiss him, and to watch Buck's hand on him. The sight of himself spilling over Buck's hand and chest is almost as blissful as finally getting some release. His legs are shaking, their skin glistening with sweat, and there is a look of sheer exhaustion on Buck's face that Eddie shares as well. 

"You really do give the best welcomes home," Buck says, teasing him a little as they regain their breath.

"I try."

"You _do_."

"Maybe I'm making up for lost time."

Buck's smile twists, bittersweet for a few seconds, because _time_ is a sensitive issue for them. Eddie needs to spend at least a couple of days with Christopher and their family in El Paso before he goes back to work. He wants to take Buck with him, then take him home with him to Los Angeles, but can't, and it is the worst feeling in the world. Time is ticking away, and neither one of them has been brave enough to talk again about what comes next.

"If we keep making up for lost time, neither of us will be walking," Buck jokes, holding his hand up for Eddie to slot his fingers through.

"I guess."

"Now you've been invited for dinner tomorrow, I guess we have even less time to do that making up," Buck adds, with a small smile.

Eddie knows what that means, how much Buck still doubts. "And I can't wait to meet them all _with_ you," he says, doing his best to reassure him. Eddie has no idea what Buck has convinced himself of in the months they haven't seen one another, but he does know there are going to still be things for them to repair. Slowly. And from a distance. Maybe; Eddie doesn't know. He crosses his arms behind Buck's head as he kisses him, indulging in taking it slow. How many more kisses are they going to get like this before they are apart again?

"You know Paul, and TK. Carlos."

Eddie does. As well as that first night when they all went to that club together, Paul came over to play video games a couple of nights back, and TK and Carlos dropped by for an hour on Buck's day off after that. Eddie likes them all; for the way they treat Buck, for how comfortable Buck is with them, and how they have accepted _him_ in the mix even if he'd first treated them as a threat. Especially TK. Which now seems ridiculous for how besotted he is with Carlos.

"Yeah, I do," Eddie agrees, pretending to complain when Buck jostles him to grab something to wipe his hands with, which turns out to be his own t-shirt that he'd stripped off seconds after getting home.

"Everyone else is good," Buck adds, and now that he has both hands free taking his time to stroke them over Eddie's chest and thighs. Eddie is more than happy letting him explore.

"I'm sure they are."

"They'll like _you_," Buck says then, and his shift in tone gives him away. Eddie smiles in understanding, not really knowing what to say or how best to reassure him.

"Buck—"

And if you don't want to act like you're _with_ me, or—"

Eddie kisses him quiet, twice, for Buck continuing to try to keep talking. "I'm _with_ you. Okay? I'm not pretending we aren't _this_. That we're not _together_. I don't want to. Not with our old friends, or your new ones. So long as you're sure about all this, I am."

"I am," Buck says quickly, nervously licking his lips. "It's just... I don't know what to expect."

"Neither do I," Eddie agrees, letting his hands slide down Buck's chest to rest on his stomach. "All I know, is that you're important to me. I have no problem with people knowing that. I _want_ people to know that."

Buck is trying so hard not to look hopeful that it clenches at Eddie's heart. So he kisses him again, soft and slow, ignoring the way he shudders like he might be overwhelmed with feeling so much. Eddie _knows_ Buck. He already did; back in Los Angeles, he could read his expression, the set of his shoulders, even the shift in his voice. That hasn't changed, even with their distance. Now, Eddie has new tells to monitor, for knowing Buck's body, the way his breath changes, and how his heart starts to race. So he kisses him until Buck's sigh changes to one that is acceptance, and contentment. He gives Eddie a rueful smile when he pulls back, squeezing his legs.

"Thank you."

"I can't believe I'm going so soon," Eddie adds, far too sated to monitor his words.

Buck's face falls as he nods, his smile becoming wistful. "I know. Feels like you just got here."

"Yeah. It does."

"I guess we lucked out, though. You, seeing me when you did."

"Tant Effe calls that _a sign_," Eddie says, which puts a sparkle of mirth in Buck's eyes. Which is _perfect_.

"Well. I guess a sign is one way to describe it."

"Honestly? It wouldn't surprise me if she planned it out like that. I know she couldn't have; she didn't know you were here either. But if she could've, she would."

"She knows about me?" Bucks in surprise.

"Buck. I think _everyone_ knows about you. Maybe not everything. But they know enough. And yeah; she knows about you—at least, how I feel about you. She's the one that gave me the shove to come here when I was worrying about changing plans on Christopher again."

"I can't wait to see him. When you're ready, obviously," Buck adds, so accepting of Eddie saying he wanted to wait, to be sure before Christopher lost someone else he loves. Though Eddie also doesn't want to hurt Buck, or make him feel like he's punishing him.

"We'll figure something out. Maybe start out with Skyping, or something."

"That would be good, Eddie."

How he explains to Christopher what Buck is to him while Buck is still in Austin, Eddie doesn't know. Nor does he know what will happen when Buck comes back to L.A. A part of him thinks the 126 will offer him something more permanent. Eddie thinks they'd be crazy not to; Buck is amazing at his job. But if they did, or Buck found a job in some other location, then, well, where would that leave them?

"We still have some figuring out to do," Eddie says, when the thought of leaving becomes so overwhelming, he wants to think about anything else. He moves enough so Buck finally slips from him, kissing him as that ache for no longer being filled tries to steal his attention. Buck trails his fingers over his thighs and hips, sighing softly against his mouth.

"Yes. We do," he says, though for how tired Buck now looks after a long shift and coming home to _him_, Eddie thinks they will have to postpone talking. Again. He claims a quick kiss, groaning as he stands, tugging Buck with him. Buck hugs him from behind pressing a kiss to his shoulder blade before they move. And under the spray of the shower, they kiss again, sadness beginning to seep into their kisses. Eddie holds on tight, trying not to think of going home without him.

* * *

**Buck**

Eddie is holding his hand.

Considering all the things they have done with one another since Eddie came to stay with him, Buck thinks he is probably overreacting. But this is an actual date night, and actual _date_, for which they have made the effort to look good for one another and are now out. In public. Holding hands. It is a _lot_.

Eddie winks at him when he catches Buck looking, pointing out a bar up ahead. "How about there?"

"Not been there before."

"Perfect."

Eddie is on a mission to make sure that they go to places here in Austin tonight that Buck hasn't yet tried, so he gets to make some new memories here with him. It's good logic, especially as there is now less than twenty-four hours before Eddie leaves for El Paso, and Buck doesn't want to let him go.

How have Eddie's days here passed so quickly? It feels like he just got here, yet Buck thinks he'll spend the next few days cataloging every moment they shared like it has been far longer. For the next three months, probably. Even if he doesn't yet know what happens then. Eddie has slotted into Buck's life here so easily. But now he is leaving, putting a question mark over their heads for not knowing what comes after. Buck is pleading with his thoughts to stop wandering, to focus only on being here with Eddie.

"Outdoor table?" Eddie says when they stop outside his intended bar.

"Sure."

"It's pretty warm," Eddie adds looking up then around him, still holding on to Buck's hand.

"Yeah. It is."

"Anything you want?"

"Surprise me. Whatever you're getting."

Eddie nods, leans in to kiss him with not even the slightest hesitation of doing it in front of other people, then squeezes Buck's hand before going inside. Buck stares after him knowing he must be grinning stupidly, then clears his throat, smoothing down the front of his shirt before choosing them somewhere to sit. He checks through his phone as he waits, answering a missed message from TK wishing him and Eddie a good night. There is also a message waiting from Chim which he quickly replies to, still not quite sure what to say.

Since Eddie came to stay, Buck has texted Chim, and eventually, Bobby, relieved more than anything that they didn't sound mad at him. Though none of that means things are perfectly resolved with the 118. Buck does at least feel a little lighter in his heart. Hen's messages have only grown more excitable since her video call with Eddie and Buck, forever leaving Buck feeling warmed and thankful for the friendship he has with her. Maddie still has _opinions_, however. She has long forgiven Chim, because he's, well, _hers_, though she still holds a lot of anger for Bobby. And mostly _Eddie_. Buck had to leave the room the two times Maddie called over the week for not wanting Eddie to have to hear her anger. Their relationship is going to need to be a work in progress. Buck will deal with that, along with everything else they need to deal with. He just doesn't know _when_.

Eddie joins him then, carrying two large, oversized glasses of beer. "I have no idea what this is like," Eddie says, laughing as he carefully slides them on to the table.

"How are we supposed to drink it?"

Eddie shrugs, steepling his hands together between his knees as he sits, leaning forward to sip at the glass. "It's good."

Buck does the same, toying with the glass as he does, dragging it closer. "Yeah. It is."

"I don't know how I'm not gonna tell Christopher where I've been," Eddie adds. "I feel like everyone else will know just looking at me."

Buck takes a quick glance over Eddie's neck making sure _he_ hasn't left anything for people to see, though knows exactly what he means. Ever since Eddie arrived here, Buck has felt like he hasn't stopped smiling. The relief he feels for having Eddie back in his world must be written all over his face.

"Well. I guess... I don't know, Eddie. You need to do what's right for him. And you."

"And you," Eddie adds, holding his hand out across the table for Buck to take.

"I need for Christopher to be okay. For _us_ to be okay."

"Oh. I think we'll all be just fine," Eddie says as he runs his thumb over Buck's knuckles. "I don't know how we do any of this, but I know it's worth it. I know I can't go back to how we were."

Neither can Buck. The thought of more time not speaking with Eddie, even when he argues with himself that _he_ is the one that left, fills him with dread. Though considering how much worse this entire situation could have turned out, Buck thinks they're both pretty lucky. He intends not to take that for granted. "And we'll talk. All the time."

"Every day," Eddie agrees, squeezing his hand. "I think my couple of days in El Paso will be busy, so I won't get that much time. But we'll talk. And when I get home, we'll Skype. Abuela will probably want to talk to you, if you want to."

"You think so?" Buck asks in hope, missing yet another member of the Diaz family.

"I won't say she won't yell at you a little, but maybe if she does it over Skype, it won't be so bad when she does it face to face."

That there will even be a face to face puts flutters in Buck's stomach, for beginning to see a future where there is a _them_. "So long as she forgives me, I'm good with that."

"I think she was probably madder at me than you."

"Why?"

"Because."

"That's no reason."

"It's reason enough," Eddie says, drawing his hand back so he can pick up his glass. "We'll figure this out."

"I can't believe we're on a _date_," Buck says, laughing as he too goes to pick his glass up.

"I guess we're long overdue?"

"A little."

"We're gonna be okay, Buck," Eddie tells him, over and over throughout their date, when they fall into bed together after it, in the early morning hours before his flight when neither of them can sleep, and as they say goodbye at the airport.

Buck doesn't want to let him go. He bunches his hands in Eddie's shirt like that will make a difference to his flight taking off with or without him. How he is supposed to go to work after this and function, Buck doesn't know.

"Eddie, I... I need you to know," Buck blurts out before his words fail him.

Eddie looks at him in understanding, pulling him in by the waist. "What?"

Buck licks his lips, swallows to get some moisture back into his throat. "I need you to know, that I _love_ you. I do."

Eddie's face softens to one of the most beautiful though tortured expressions Buck has ever seen him wear. Eddie leans in to kiss him, sighing as he drops their foreheads together before straightening back up. Buck leans into his hand when he cradles his face. "Hey. I love you too, okay? And we're gonna be okay. We will."

Buck falls into Eddie's embrace hating how he sobs, and how he doesn't know when he'll see him again. His smile for him is watery, made worse for seeing Eddie smiling through his own tears. Buck watches him walk away, as his boarding pass is checked, and then as he disappears out of sight to board his plane. He wipes the back of his mouth with his hand asking himself not to cry, at least until he gets to his car. Buck makes his way back through the airport, trying to turn all his focus back to work.

* * *


End file.
